She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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