Whod you bang
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
