i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Are we still banned from the library?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
