I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize