why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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