I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
