Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
