i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize