Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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