yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
