At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
