U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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