Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drake has all the answers
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
