ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
