Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
