Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
