Welp...herpes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
