Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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