I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
