and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
