I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
