dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
