i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
