currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
