Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
