i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
