He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
