why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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