They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize