Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
