he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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