Umm I'm too high to move.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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