my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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