Where is the hickey?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
