Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
