my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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