note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
