making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
