Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
