They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
