mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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