Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
