Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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