she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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