So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
