Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize