At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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