The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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