You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
only you would photoshop your dick
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
