Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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