I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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