I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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