When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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