Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
