If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
