Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
