new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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