i wish my penis had a tongue
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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