i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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