How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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