Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
