can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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