Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize