she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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