Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize