Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
