Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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