I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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