the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
