come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
