College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
