Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
