I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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