So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
