people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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