naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
