the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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