just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
