I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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