i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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